BJ's

I've been sitting with this one a long time.  It's a subject I've broached but you shut down.  It's intimate.  It's private.  It's important.   I don't want to over-dramatize but I want to put it on paper in case you ever do want to consider what this old lady who had made her whole life, probably to a fault, about your happiness.   I am not sure you heard me when I did attempt to get my message across.

Oral sex is intimate, really more intimate than intercourse.  I know, I know...all of your friends give B.J's...I've heard that, on Dateline or somewhere...it's the new French Kiss at the end of the date.  Am I surprised or shocked?  Not completely.  Do I think someday you'll look back and wish you'd made a different choice in when and who?  Yes. I also want to say that it's about pleasure, but mutual pleasure and mutual pleasure and if you are going to be a giver and not a receiver, it is unbalanced.   There will be an inherent power differential if it is not reciprocal.  A man worth your time would jump at the chance to pleasure you BEFORE you pleasure him. 

So, for your consideration:  A tool to help you decide if you want to go there in the future...I call it the "After you Tool":

Let me explain.

So, you're in a situation where it's a possibility.  You have a choice to make.

1.  Ask yourself, in this moment, do I want to give him a BJ?  If the answer is "yes" go to step 2.  If the answer is "no" go to step 3.

2. Ask yourself if you want to receive.  If the answer is "no", then you might not be close/intimate enough with him emotionally or physically and you might want to ask yourself again if this is the right choice for you, if you might be feeling pressured or some other reason, like afraid of his reaction or embarrassed if you don't.

3.  If the answer is "yes", I would like to, and feel comfortable receiving this is when you say, "After you".  This is checking in on his level of comfort/intimacy.  If he isn't willing/interested, you may want to reconsider your choice to give to him.  If he is interested and so are you, then let him give to you and then you reciprocate.  This will check if he is just "using" you for his pleasure or if he has a genuine interest in your pleasure as well.

I know this is controversial.  I'm in no way recommending you have OS.  I just want to give you a tool to stop and evaluate your decision in a way where you are taking care of you.  I love you, my sweet girl.  Try this...and someday, if you do, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the process (of inquiry)...I don't want ANY other details...believe me.